Please enjoy this post in our What Does Grace Look Like? series from an anonymous friend of the Spiritual Renewal Center.
I exited the bus on Salina St. and started the long walk to Salt Springs Rd. where there was a church I frequented. I arrived early, and no one was there yet, so I walked around to the back of the church and sat on a bench near a statue of the Virgin Mary. It was then that I realized how incredibly angry I was. I was seething with anger. I didn’t know where it was coming from; I just knew that I was angry.
I was living at Le Moyne Manor, which is a halfway house for people coming out of inpatient treatment for addiction, and the first floor is for ex-cons coming out of prison. I had been going to three AA meetings a day since I left Canandaigua VA hospital sixty-four days earlier, and yet in the back of my mind I knew that I would drink again and this time it would be the end. I would die, and I welcomed it. I had lost my home, my car, my job, and had ended up in different shelters in Syracuse. I was spiraling more and more out of control and into hell.
As I realized my incredible anger, I remember putting my head in my hands and just simply saying: “My God, I know that I’m going to drink again but please just take away this anger.”
Immediately I felt a sense of heat in the middle of my chest, and as the heat grew, it started to feel like a sparkler from the Fourth of July. The heat was intense! I don’t know how long I sat there but the heat spread throughout my body. When it was over, the anger, the pain, the fear, and the obsession to drink was gone – completely gone! I felt a new sense of peace beyond any explanation.
That was eight years ago. The obsession to drink never returned. I will never understand God’s ways, and that’s okay with me. I continue to attend twelve-step meetings, and I love helping others achieve sobriety.
I have rejoined the human race!
That’s what grace looks like.